It’s difficult to even know how to talk about this. On one hand, I am a huge advocate of body positivity and I would never want to contribute to someone feeling shit about themselves or thinking they need to lose weight in order to feel good about themselves, or perpetuating the idea that an arbitrary unit of weight somehow reflects our innate value and self-respect. It absolutely DOES NOT and the conditioning we have been (and continue to be) exposed to is a patriarchal construct that bullies women into thinking that shrinking themselves to a socially acceptable size and taking up less space in the world should be top of their priority list; even (or especially!) after having a baby: so fucked up!!!
That being said, my job is to advocate for women returning to regular exercise, but I am always careful to encourage that from a healthy place. That is to say, not ‘eating well’ and exercising from a place of self-loathing and rejection of ourselves and our bodies. I am not a counsellor, but I am a therapist; I can recognise when women are struggling with their body image and it truly upsets me that they place so much importance in how they look when the way they look doesn’t define them to the people they love; they are incredible mothers, hilarious & loyal friends, valued colleagues.
So with that in mind – YOUR BODY DOES NOT DEFINE YOU – I wanted to share a more in-depth perspective of my journey with you all.
Towards the end of my pregnancy was when I really started feeling great about my body. I felt strong, I loved my bump (although this did take until about 27 weeks for me to feel like I looked ‘properly pregnant’ and not just bloated – I really cared about people thinking I was fat!) and I actually felt sexy. Then postpartum hits – everything changes. Obviously I knew I would still look pregnant for a while and would need to do a LOT of rehab to get me back to a place where I was exercising at a similar intensity to pre-pregnancy, but I really bought into the idea that “the weight would just drop off me” because I would be breastfeeding, walking etc. I really feel like we are sold a lie here, and the vast majority of women I know put on weight after they have their baby.
I LOVE my food and I have been very fortunate to have never really struggled with my weight (although I have, like a lot of women, always struggled with my self-image). I’m a comfort eater, and during those first few months of having a baby, I took this to a new level. I was well looked after by my partner and friends, and had a lot of nutritious meals cooked for me. However I also developed a relentless craving for sweet things – chocolate, ice cream, biscuits, which is something I indulged in without restraint! I wasn’t doing nearly as much exercise as I expected, having a lot of pain and discomfort for at least the first 8 weeks postpartum which limited me more than I like to admit. Being able to enjoy a glass (or three) of wine again was probably a significant factor too. I was eating a 120g bar of chocolate a day at one point.
I started trying to be a bit more conscious of this around 6 months postpartum, after our holiday to Turkey. I was feeling really down about myself. I wasn’t in a good place mentally, I was noticing really low energy levels, feeling drained, sluggish and like I was struggling to stay afloat. It was all I could do to show up for my clients and drag myself through the day. Nothing in my wardrobe fit me or made me feel comfortable, I went and bought the baggiest t-shirts I could find to wear with my maternity leggings. I had pain in my back on pretty much a daily basis, I felt weak and I hated it.
When Mari-Carmen offered me a place on her 8-week program, I was trying my best to come up with excuses about why I couldn’t do it, or why it wasn’t the right time. I knew how to lose weight myself, I didn’t need help! I knew I needed to move more, eat less, sustain a small calorie deficit and increase my exercise levels. I knew exactly “how” to lose weight in theory – but I had zero motivation or discipline to actually put any sort of plan into action. I realised that without accountability, I was just going to continue to plod along doing the same thing, berating myself and feeling low. It was the wake-up call I needed; I deserved to feel better, stronger and more energised – my family deserved the best version of me too.
Even after two weeks I was noticing the difference in my mood. I was far more balanced and stable, and honestly just happier. The effects on my mental health have been far and away the most profound. It gets to 2/3pm in the day and I’m no longer exhausted, I am so much more productive.
I definitely have a lot more work to do on my nutrition – I still haven’t got into the habit of meal prepping, and tracking my calories has made me realise I have some pretty unhealthy eating habits. I can easily not eat until 2pm and then just have a yoghurt and some fruit, but come 6pm I am STARVING and then a normal portion of dinner just does not feel enough for me, and the cravings kick in. This is something I am still working on – Mari Carmen has helped so much and really encouraged me to fuel myself properly, there are so many great recipes and inspiration on the FitMama app as well. I just need to keep working at it, my next goal is to try and at least prep my breakfasts.
I’m proud of myself for making the decision to become accountable and change things up – the habit of waking up and dedicating an hour to movement has been the best decision I’ve made in a long time. I invested in myself and I’m so pleased I did. I have noticed a huge difference, I am finally making my needs a priority and it feels great. And I have Mari Carmen to thank entirely for that!
I feel like I have found a new part of me and I am so grateful. I have set some new goals for myself and I’m really looking forward to my next challenges. I have finally fallen in love with exercise again and it feels amazing! I’ve also loved spending this time with Rex – he gets to watch me jumping around, dancing and trying to make him laugh in between sets. And it’s brought me such joy to watch him buzzing around, growing up on these little timelapse videos. Sharing this with you all has been such a positive experience. I’ve had so many messages from pregnant & new mothers saying very kind things, it makes me very emotional to think about how lucky I have to have found such a wonderful, empowering and supportive community of mamas here. Thank you so much for being here, and thanks for reading – let me know if you have any questions at all, and as always, get in touch to book a Mummy MOT and get yourself a roadmap back to fitness.